Licking the Taliban's Flip-Flop

Not all forces memoirs are Bravo Two Zero, you know………

Afghanistan, November 2011, Staff Sergeant Lee arrives at Kandahar Airbase for a six-month tour of duty. Is he here because of a sense of duty and his un-quivering devotion to Queen and country? Nope. He’s here because he’s retiring from the British Army and could do with the extra cash.

Licking the Taliban’s Flip-Flop is the true account of our protagonist undertaking one of many roles that the British Army do but are deemed “too unsexy to warrant any airtime from the media or celebs.”

He finds himself in charge of a small team of Army Movers whose job is similar to what a budget airline check-in staff have to put up with, just with guns and the peculiar location. There are only two destinations that the Royal Air Force fly to in Afghanistan so how hard can it be? Well, it turns out that it’s mildly hard as he faces the incessant struggle that is life in the illogical military machine. Having to deal with aggravations such as aircrew tardiness, the United States Military, discourteous diplomats, non-existent members of the Royal Family and the odd Taliban rocket sent his way, he approaches these difficulties with his blackly comical laissez-faire style that can only come from an older soldier who will be a civilian in just over a year. He does have a few triumphs on his journey as he blags some soldiers onto the Prime Ministers plane so that they get home for Christmas, steals a TV from under the noses of the Special Forces and drinks £5000 worth of beer in one evening. 

Then there’s the boredom. The day in day out continual boredom that is entertaining due to the lengths his team and acquaintances go to alleviate this monotony. The mind-numbing hours spent waiting for planes to arrive leads to some very strange conversations. One of them being how much would you lick a Taliban’s flip flop for? As his departure date nears he loses a quiz to the Foreign and Commonwealth Office, ends up a patient in an American field hospital and notices that the rockets coming in over the fence seem to be more frequent & getting closer. With doubts about this one last tour and fear of things that go bang, he reflects that this probably wasn’t one of his wisest ideas. 

The detailed observations along with his style of humour provide an insight into the peculiarity of how support to the operation in Afghanistan was conducted by both civilian contractors and the military, the finer details of daily life and some of the poignant moments giving the reader a view into a surreal world that the majority of us will never experience.